Things Dogs Need To Remember
The garbage collector is not stealing our stuff.
I do not need to suddenly stand straight up
when I'm lying under the coffee table.
I will not roll my toys behind the fridge,
behind the sofa or under the bed.
I must shake the rainwater out of my
fur before entering the house.
I will not eat the cats' food,
before they eat it or after they throw it up.
I will stop trying to find the few remaining pieces
of clean carpet in the house when I am about to get sick.
I will not throw up in the car.
I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, deer, etc.
just because I like the way they smell.
"Kitty box crunchies,"
although they are tasty, are not food.
The diaper pail is not a cookie jar.
I will not chew my human's
toothbrush and not tell them.
When in the car, I will not insist on having the
window rolled down when it's raining outside.
We do not have a doorbell.
I will not bark each time I hear one on TV.
I will not steal my mom's underwear and
dance all over the backyard with it.
The sofa is not a face towel.
Neither are mom & dad's laps.
My head does not belong in the refrigerator.
I will not play tug-of-war with dad's
underwear when he's on the toilet.
I will not eat mint flavored dental floss
out of the bathroom garbage to avoid having
a string hanging out of my butt.
I will not use "roll around in the dirt" as an
option after just getting a bath.
Sticking my nose into someone's crotch is
not an acceptable way of saying hello.
I will not come in from outside and immediately
drag my butt across the carpet.
I will not sit in the middle of the living room
and lick my crotch in front of company.
Suddenly turning around and smelling
my butt can quickly clear a room.
The cat is not a squeaky toy,
so when I play with him and he makes that noise,
it's usually not a good thing.
Owensville, IN 47665-8737